I'll Mature When I'm Dead
“How serious? Consider: In 1971, when I was hired for my first newspaper job, there were 62 million newspaper subscribers in the United States; today, according to the Audit Bureau of Circulation, there are twelve, an estimated five of whom are dead and therefore unlikely to renew.
What the heck happened?
I can hear you wiseacres answering: “You already told us what happened. They hired you.”
Fair enough. Some of the blame is definitely mine. Over the years I’ve received at least 62 million lett...ers from irate people declaring their intention to cancel their subscriptions because of something I wrote. Among the groups I have deeply offended are:• Neil Diamond fans;• People who don’t think it’s funny when you make untrue statements such as that George Washington invented the airplane;• Cat owners;• People who insist on being addressed as “doctor” because they have Ph.D.’s, as if these degrees represent an important achievement, rather than a reluctance to leave college;• Appliance salespeople who try to sell you a service warranty for every damn thing you buy including batteries;• People who react angrily to criticism of the Lord of the Ring movies, especially the suggestion that you were not totally awed by the walking, talking, kung-fu-fighting trees;27 • Barry Manilow fans;• .MoreLess
What the heck happened?
I can hear you wiseacres answering: “You already told us what happened. They hired you.”
Fair enough. Some of the blame is definitely mine. Over the years I’ve received at least 62 million lett...ers from irate people declaring their intention to cancel their subscriptions because of something I wrote. Among the groups I have deeply offended are:• Neil Diamond fans;• People who don’t think it’s funny when you make untrue statements such as that George Washington invented the airplane;• Cat owners;• People who insist on being addressed as “doctor” because they have Ph.D.’s, as if these degrees represent an important achievement, rather than a reluctance to leave college;• Appliance salespeople who try to sell you a service warranty for every damn thing you buy including batteries;• People who react angrily to criticism of the Lord of the Ring movies, especially the suggestion that you were not totally awed by the walking, talking, kung-fu-fighting trees;27 • Barry Manilow fans;• .MoreLess
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